I LOVE the message of this video. Every November, it causes me to reflect about what I'm grateful for...family, friends, food, a job. Thankful to have loved a wonderful man who shaped me into the person he left behind to wallow in self-pity every now and again. But, I love those who have blessed my live even in the tiniest of ways. So...thank you! I appreciate each one of you.
I'm usually a VERY optimistic person. I can take trials and turn them upside down into learning experiences. If someone tells me I can't...I will. If someone says things could never get better, I find a way to make them even better. I have huge wrinkles in my forehead from trying to smile all the time. You get the picture. It's in my nature. I know it bugs a lot of people who just want to complain and look for the negative in the world. "Wo is me." Not in my vocabulary.
But not today. It's been a hard day (and 10 days for that matter). I've had horrible chest congestion, pain, and coughing fits like I've never had before. I haven't felt like myself. It could be the medicine (Prednisone) I was prescribed. The pharmacist told me "It will certainly put you on edge". And it has. Only, not in a mad or angry type of an edge but a "Wo is me" type of edge. I cried and cried today after school for no real apparent reason other than a couple of sweet little first grade journals I was reading. Then when I got to my house, I had an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I needed my boyfriend sitting in his chair working on his latest art piece, waiting for...me. Why isn't he still here with me? I need someone to vent to and to talk to about my day. I miss that daily tradition...more than usual. And, I realized that it was only HIM that I wanted today. Things only HE could listen to and understand. Today there was no replacement for him. So the tears have been my solace.
One of my fellow teachers asked me this today, "Did you go through those stages of grief after Terry died?" My answer was that there is NO cycle. The cycle doesn't exist...only pieces of that cycle that come along whenever they feel like it. Randomly. Ever so randomly. Just when I think I've got the whole thing under control, it hits me and punches me in the throat.
I know that this giant lump in my throat will one day (most likely tomorrow) go away. The worst part is not knowing when it will lodge itself there again.
I absolutely loved this book. Perhaps it is the Canadian-living-in-the-states self talking here, but it made me long for my home in Southern Alberta. Growing up, my father was the maintenance supervisor for the schools in the area. This included the school at two or three of the Hutterite colonies in the area. He would often take me with him on his visits to the colonies. I loved it there and was mesmerized by every nuance of the colony. The baking bread, the chickens roaming free, the homes, the smells, the polka-dots, the braids. I loved going with him. My mother made trips as well. We would often go to purchase eggs, knitted booties and slippers, pick up newly upholstered furniture, and chickens. Every time, we were invited into someone's home to sit down for a visit. Secretly, I wanted to BE a Hutterite just so I could twist my hair back and put on a handkerchief. This book was a trip home for me and I adored it. Mary Ann Kirby is a gifted writer who was able to capture growing up on the colony and later outside of the colony in a way I will not soon forget. I can't wait to make the drive to Canada this summer and visit a colony.
Reading Right Now...
The Alloy of Law: The fourth book in the Mistborn series by Brandon Sanderson. Something tells me it isn't going to have the same effect on me as the trilogy!
The Kitchen House
Just Finished Reading
Oh my goodness! I owe Jessica Romney a HUGE thank you for recommending this series. I was skeptical at first. But, am so glad I chose to give the Mistborn series a try. Brandon Sanderson is an amazing author. I am now open to a new genre...fantasy. This series though, had even more than fantasy. I felt some strong spiritual undertones throughout this particular (#3) book. I even got a little "misty" at the end. I loved these books. Thanks, Jessica. I owe you and will never question your recommendations again! :)
Also Just Finished Reading...
The author, Sue E. Peterson, is a friend of mine. She sent me this book shortly after the heartbreaking loss of my own husband. It had many wonderful points for me to consider as I read about death and making sense of a new/different life. I appreciated so much of what she said and the metaphors regarding "running" throughout the book. I've never read a book by an author I know (and know very well) personally. Nor, have I read a story based on a person I know and have had conversations with. It was an odd feeling in some respects. Reading different names for each character and each setting sort of messed with my brain a bit. Finally, I put that out of my mind and read with the purpose of gleaning insight about losing a spouse and recovery from grief. I have many turned down pages I'd like to revisit as a result. Thanks for the book, Sue!