Life

I'm usually a VERY optimistic person.  I can take trials and turn them upside down into learning experiences.  If someone tells me I can't...I will.  If someone says things could never get better, I find a way to make them even better.  I have huge wrinkles in my forehead from trying to smile all the time.  You get the picture.  It's in my nature.  I know it bugs a lot of people who just want to complain and look for the negative in the world.  "Wo is me."  Not in my vocabulary.

But not today.  It's been a hard day (and 10 days for that matter).  I've had horrible chest congestion, pain, and coughing fits like I've never had before.   I haven't felt like myself. It could be the medicine (Prednisone) I was prescribed.  The pharmacist told me "It will certainly put you on edge".  And it has.  Only, not in a mad or angry type of an edge but a "Wo is me" type of edge.  I cried and cried today after school for no real apparent reason other than a couple of sweet little first grade  journals I was reading.  Then when I got to my house, I had an overwhelming sense of loneliness.  I needed my boyfriend sitting in his chair working on his latest art piece, waiting for...me.  Why isn't he still here with me?  I need someone to vent to and to talk to about my day. I miss that daily tradition...more than usual.  And, I realized that it was only HIM that I wanted today.  Things only HE could listen to and understand.  Today there was no replacement for him.  So the tears have been my solace.

One of my fellow teachers asked me this today, "Did you go through those stages of grief after Terry died?"  My answer was that there is NO cycle.  The cycle doesn't exist...only pieces of that cycle that come along whenever they feel like it.  Randomly.  Ever so randomly.  Just when I think I've got the whole thing under control, it hits me and punches me in the throat.
I know that this giant lump in my throat will one day (most likely tomorrow) go away. The worst part is not knowing when it will lodge itself there again.

Old Lady's Bucket List

I know, I know!  Bucket lists are silly and cliche.  But, do I care?  Nope.  I gave lots of thought to my 50 life goals for my 50th birthday.  I've got some good ones and some iffy ones.  But, now I have some things to work on to keep me alive for 30-50 more years.  So, here you go...no mocking allowed.


• Plant a full on vegetable garden...and keep it alive!
•Visit Washington D.C
• Learn at least five "go to" origami sculptures
• See Adam Levine Live
• Learn to make sushi
• See the Mona Lisa in the Louvre
• Go on a cruise
• Learn to groom dogs
• Learn the Thriller dance routine
• Run a marathon Run Run another 5K
• Round out my list of continents:  Africa, Europe, Australia, and Antarctica)
• Ride a mechanical bull
• Visit the Galapagos Islands
• Go back to Sri Lanka
• Embrace Veganism for at least one consecutive year
• Watch every movie to ever win the Oscar for best picture award
• Attend a "Forks Over Knives" convention
• Ride a camel on a Wednesday  (get it?  Hump Day!)
• Stay up all night and go straight to work the next morning
• Bake a bagel from scratch
• Visit all 50 states
• Walk through a drive-thru
• Be on a game show (preferably Hollywood Game Night, The Price is Right, or Jeopardy)
• Be on a reality TV show
• Get a Phd
• Attend EVERY grandchild's baptism (just like my parents did!)
• Sell some doodles
• Refinish my bedroom furniture
• Do Habitat for Humanity
• Learn to play the harmonica
• Tour the "Downton Abbey" house
• Learn five magic tricks to mystify my friends
• Teach abroad for one year
• Learn to shoot a pistol
• Eat at the number one ranked restaurant in the world:  El Celler de Can Roca (Spain)
• Take a one week hiatus from technology
• Drive on the Autobhan
• Attend Mardi Gras
• Chase a tornado Chase an ice cream truck
• Try my hand at geocaching
• Chop vegetables the way professional chefs do
•  Meet up with my online/real life friend, Pam, every year.
• Read every Newbery Award winner
• Learn to ski (I live in Utah!  I should know this by now)
• Attend Time Out For Women
• Get to level 200 on Candy Crush (so sad)
• Become a Yogi!  (Yoga expert)
•
•

I made it to 48!  I will fill in the last two with your suggestions.  Most creative wins!

FIFTY!

 Have I mentioned that my daughters are the best daughters in the land?  Well, they are.  I turned 50 on June 7th this year.  Those darling girls made me feel like a queen.  They were surprising me at every turn.  

So...are you ready to hear all about it?  There are a lot of pictures.  You've been warned.  Here we go.


We decided to spend the day in Salt Lake City.  I hadn't been on the new Frontrunner so we parked our cars and hopped on the train.  I loved it.  It was clean and air conditioned.  And I was with my four best gals.

1.  Erika, Hazel, and me
2.  Melissa and Eloise
3.  Pretty little Hazel
4.  Melissa and Hazel
5.  Me with every wrinkle I've earned over the past 50 years.

During the ride up to SLC, the girls made an Instagram hashtag #50gramsforgramitami.  They tried to post 50 pictures of the day but only made it to 33.  That's okay because that's how old I feel!  :)  

Here are just three of the Instagrams added:
1.  My Colorado cutie, Isabel
2.  Her adorable twin brother, Milo
3.  A sneeze from my newest granddaughter, Ivy!

We made it to downtown City Creek Center and shopped our hearts out.  Every time I picked up something to buy, those daughters of mine would step in front of me and pay for it.  I had planned to buy myself some fancy readers from Brighton.  When I realized they were paying for everything, I just couldn't act excited about the glasses (even thought I was!) and said I'd just get them later.

1.  Shopping at LUSH to buy some bath bombs.  Notice Erika in the background.  According to her fingers, I'm only 5 years old!  Thanks, E.
2.  Melissa giving me a high five as I left a kids store.  Why?  Well, as I was leaving, the worker looked at Eloise in the stroller and said TO ME:  "Your daughter is so cute!"  YES!  I've still got it!
3.  Melissa paying for two orange cups I fell in love with at Anthropologie.
4.  Eloise polishing off my Diet Coke.
5.  Eloise and me trying on the Tangled wigs in the Disney store.

We ate lunch at The Blue Lemon.  I had a delicious Dirty Diet Coke.  Perfection.  Eloise even mocked a little kid who was screaming and not using very good manners.  Picture her screaming right back and then laughing hysterically.  Yup, that's what it was like.

Being the "city girls" we were, we hopped back onto TRAX and wound our way to Trolley Square so that Mel and Erika could go to Lulu Lemon and I could go to Whole Foods.  We had to walk a few blocks and it was so hot.  But we made it and no one cried.  Not even me.

1.  Melissa and Hazel cooling off in Pottery Barn.
2.  Erika looking cool in Pottery Barn.
3.  E and H in Whole Foods
4.  MACARONS
5.  She hasn't stopped wearing her shades since she got them at the Disney store.

It was time to head back to Provo.  We navigated our way back to the Frontrunner and barely...and I DO mean barely...made it on time.  The doors had closed and then miraculously they opened them back up, saving us about an hour!  We were all deliriously tired and happy all at the same time.  

BUT...we weren't done yet.  We had to meet the husbands later for dinner.  So, the girls suggested pedicures.  We headed to our favorite place.  I have never taken youngsters to a nail salon and let me tell you, it probably won't happen again.  I held Eloise on my lap the whole time with Hazel in the car seat at my side.

1.  Sleepy Hazel and me waiting for TRAX.
2.  She's done.
3.  My view whilst getting my toes done.
4.  The little Vietnamese lady handing Hazel off to her mom.  By the way she was holding Hazel, we didn't know if she thought Haz had cooties or what.  We were terrified that she' drop that little girl.  She didn't...hallelujah!
5.  Our finished toes.

After pedicures it was close to 6:00 and Tyler ended up having to "work extra hours and wouldn't be able to meet us for dinner."  That was just fine.  We went to a favorite spot, Mountain West Burrito!  Yum!  Veggie and Vegan options there.  Luckily, Danny was able to come with us.  We had a fun, leisurely, and delicious meal.  I was ready to head home.  But the girls suggested we go to "The Chocolate" for their famous Kazookie.  My plan was to switch to a Vegan diet the next day so I thought a last bite of ice cream would be just the thing to end the day.  Luckily, Tyler was able to meet us there.

WEeeelllllll...I was carrying Eloise up the stairs chatting with Tyler as I went.  When to my SURPRISE I looked up and there was a room full of friends and family.  At first I thought "What the heck are Rachel and Janelle doing here?"  Then many people in my life came into view.  Then it hit me:  I was at my very first surprise party and it was for ME!  Those girls!   I had no idea.  I usually pick up on those kinds of things.  Not this time.  Maybe turning 50 had dulled my senses.  

(This time I'll label top to bottom, left to right)
1.  My delicious Mountain West Burrito
2.  Brant (my nephew), Janelle and Rachel (my fellow first grade teachers), Me w/Hazel, Angela and her daughter Lecshia (next door neighbors from Lehi), Adrianne (my niece), and Erika.
3.  Kathy (her husband was there as well but not pictured) and Melissa my friends from work.  Melissa moved to Blanding last year and drove five hours just to come to my party.  Ahhhhh!
4.  Me with Eloise and the green wall.
5.  Me with Hazel, Sarah (one of my fake daughters), Erika, and Melissa.  See that space?  That was a special place for another pretend daughter, Mallory, who couldn't come because she lives in Belgium!  I'll forgive her.  Her mother, Sue, came in her place (no picture, unfortunately).
5.  No comment.
6.  Those two amazing daughters of mine!
7.  Melissa and me, again, with Rachel (another friend I used to teach with).
8.  Again:   I just realized that this is the same picture as number one but with Brant cropped out!  Sorry Brant.

I can't believe I didn't have photos of:  Sue, Ariel (Brant's wife), Lynn (Kathy's husband), Danny!, Tyler!, Danny's mother, Linda, his sister Mia, and Mia's boyfriend, Kiegan.  Plus, I missed:  Jordan (Sarah's husband) and, of course, I missed my boyfriend.

I went to bed a very happy woman that night.  I was reminded what a great family I have.  Also, what amazing friends I have (both old and new).  I'm a lucky person.  I know it.  Another thing I know...my first 50 years were awesomely unique and never boring.  I really am looking forward to the next 50.  I have the bucket list to prove it.  (Another post for another day).

PS:  Those girls had one more surprise for me...Erika had secretly sneaked back to Brighton and bought me my insanely expensive readers.  I think of this lovely birthday every time I put them on.

Comfort

The most comforting words I have heard or read since the worst day were sent to my by a friend.  (Thanks, Julie)  Every time I have read it through, every time, I hear Terry speaking the words to me.  I love them.  I love him.  

Death is Nothing at All

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well. 

--Henry Scott Holland

50/50

This Friday, I will turn 50 years old.  There.  I said it.  I've been thinking a lot about that number.  When my own dear mum was 50, she had a 10 year old...me.  I can't imagine having a 10 year old right now.  She was quite the woman.  Several of my friends have turned 50 this year and some had turned 50, years ago.   I will be 50.  You will be 50.  I'm beginning to understand that 50 is just a number.  A number  I'm sort of proud of.

With this upcoming milestone, I've been thinking a lot about bucket lists.  Things that, now that I'm "over the hill" I will aspire to complete before my life is over...I'm on the downside now ya know!  I have a great list.  I'm going to share it here on the old blog.  But not today.  Today, I've been thinking of all the things I've actually DONE with the first 50 years.  I've been told I should write a book about my life.  No one would read it, I'm sure.  BUT, maybe they would read my life's story in list form?  Please realize that this list isn't meant as a big, braggy "look at my awesomeness" blog pose.  I like to think of it as a reminder to myself that my life hasn't been wasted so far.  That I've had some unique experiences that I won't have to add to my future Bucket List, because, for better or worse, I've already lived them.  They have shaped and molded me into who I am today...for better or worse!

So, here is the completed First 50 Year Bucket List I Didn't Know I Had Made:
(in no particular order)

•     Rode an elephant through the jungles of Sri Lanka.
•     Saw the Atlantic Ocean.
•     Saw the Pacific Ocean.
•     Dipped my toe in the Indian Ocean.
•     Ate a cricket (or two)
•     Used an Eastern toilet every day for three months.
•     Met Jared, the Subway sandwich guy.
•     Lost 150 pounds.
•     Visited the following historical or iconic North American cities:  NYC, Boston, Chicago, LA, Seattle, St. Paul, Portland, Boise, Phoenix, Helena, Denver, Sacramento, Kansas City (Missouri), Kansas City (Kansas), Las Vegas, Reno, Sante Fe, New Orleans, Albuquerque, Houston, St. Paul, Nauvoo, Cheyenne, Miami, Toronto, Calgary, Edmonton, Vancouver, Regina, Winnepeg, and Tijuana!  (Yes, that last one is an iconic city!)
•     Kissed a pig.
•     Born and raised in Cardston, Alberta, Canada.
•     Taught myself to quilt.
•     Graduated from Ricks College
•     Graduated from BYU
•     Wrote a Master's Thesis on gender equity in elementary school.
•     Sang Karaoke (Kanye West's "GoldDigger")
•     Been to Disneyland.
•     Have successfully constructed many pieces of IKEA furniture.
•     Have taught for 26 years.
•     Went repelling in Southern Utah.
•     Have lost many family and friends to the next life:  My dad, my mom, my sister Donna, Kyle (nephew), Randi (niece), both sets of grandparents, my love...my boyfriend...my all.
•     Have spoken at four funerals. (Mom, Dad, Donna, and Terry)
•     Saw my first marriage die after only three years in it.
•     Birthed two daughters only 13 months apart.  (My biggest accomplishment thus far!)
•     Was a single mother for 7 years.
•     Wed the man of my dreams (Terry Anderson)
•     Became a step-mother to 4 children and 2 in laws.
•     Became a step-grandmother.
•     Sealed in the temple to my Terry by my very own father!
•     Been white water rafting.
•     Flown in a two seater airplane over the Arizona desert.
•     Teacher of the year 2012.
•     97% computer savvy.
•     Was a radio show host of "Scripture Stories" on The Mormon Channel.
•     Drove a school bus about 50 yards.
•     Got kicked off a school bus when I was in Grade 3 for making lewd comments that I didn't know I was making...thanks a lot Scott Olsen!)
•     Drove a three-wheeled taxi around a parking lot in Sri Lanka.
•     Served an LDS mission to the Singapore mission which included Malaysia, and Sri Lanka.
•     I taught English in a Buddhist girls school, a Hindu college, and a Methodist college.  (see above)
•     Picked tea leaves alongside "real" tea leaf pickers in Sri Lanka.  I have the lice to prove it!  (just kidding)
•     Visited three continents:  North America, Asia, and South America.
•     Have eaten entire meals just using my right hand...no utensils.  It tastes better that way.
•     Young Women's President
•     Became a Diet Coke drinker (best decision of my life!  Hm.....)
•     Took up yoga and love it to this very day.
•     Stood on the equator.
•     Raised over $1000 for charity.
•     Am a member of an online community whose members I consider dear friends.  They were amazing at keeping me afloat after Terry died.  I love them.
•     Had 11 major surgeries...and lived to tell about them.
•     Taught myself how to make French Macarons.
•     Created and maintain an online business.
•     Been on CNN
•     Had the same BFF for the past 23 years!



There you have it!  50 +2 accomplishments in my life.  Now...on to the next 50!

Happy 58th Birthday, Terry!

April 29, 2013 was my boyfriend's 58th birthday.

We celebrated in true "Anderson Style".

On Saturday, we invited Terry's daughter Melissa and her twins Lyla and Olivia to hang out at Hangtime in Orem.  So much fun.  Those trampolines are the bomb.  I've still got some energy left in my body.  I could go there every day.  Remembering Terry by doing something enjoyable is the best way to remember a special occasion.

We did it up right.

Then, on Sunday, the 29th Melissa and Danny, Erika and Tyler, and Eloise and Hazel all met at the cemetery.  Melissa baked a delicious cake.  I brought the 58 candles, forks, kazoos, and a ribbon wand for impromptu dancing...which we did.

Terry was there.

We felt him. 

All it took was for darling Danny to pick up a match and light a kazoo on fire.  I caught myself chastising him in the exact same way I would have told Terry to blow it out.

Because, 

let's face it...lighting a kazoo on fire for the fun of it would be exactly what Terry would have done.

Kudos to Danny.

After digging into the cake, we had an impromptu dance off with the ribbon wand.  I'm not really sure who won.  Secretly, I think that I was the winner because I got to witness my 

children being silly.

I was so in love with them all.

Which made me love my boyfriend that much more...if that could be even possible.

Daughter's, sons-in-law, and babies somehow balance a world of hurt and longing for the love of my life who was taken way too soon.

I miss him terribly. 

But, I love him and know we will meet again.

In the meantime, I have all of these precious children to love.

I'm so lucky.

Oops!  We left him a little bit of his favorite food:  chocolate!

A Few Things I Have Learned From "Pretty Little Liars"

1.    People sure do drink a lot of coffee
2.   Mom's are super skinny.
3.   All high school kids wear designer clothes.
4.   It's okay for high school teacher to have a fling with one of his students...if she's hot.
5.   If you send an anonymous note to your frenemies make sure that you sign your name with the first letter in your name --A
6.   When a "bad" guy starts chasing you in a church, DO NOT run UP the stairs to the bell tower.  There is a pretty big chance there will be nowhere else to run.
7.  Thank goodness for cellphones 
8.  Rich people don't own dogs.
9.   Toby reminds me of Rip Esselsyn.  (google it)
10. Don't wear you dead friends clothes, even if it is for a fundraiser.
11.  It doesn't matter if you turn on a light, you can see just as well in dim or no light at all.
12.  Never trust a shifty police officer. 
13.  What would we ever do without texting?
14. If I want to be a good liar, I should probably let my hair grow.
15. Everyone needs a satchel two times bigger than her head.
16.   Always, Always explore the basement of a hospital if given the chance.
17. When told to walk more quietly use the comeback, "It's FINE!  Jenna's blind!"  umm?
18. Apparently the best liar boyfriends have to have dark hair.
19. If your dad leaves your family, don't worry, he'll most likely sleep over every now and then.
20. NO ONE looks good in a candy stripers apron...well, maybe Spencer but that's it!

BONUS:  I'm predicting here and now that "A" really is Jenna.  AND that she spies on everyone through a small recorder inside those tacky stuffed animals.