Friday, March 20, 2009

How I Am Going to Become a Millionaire:

Dear Surgical Adhesive Tape Manufacturers:

Thank you for your efforts in creating adhesive tape that holds bandages in place over a wound.  I understand the need for it.  I've seen your p
ackaging with words like "gentle", "breathable", "hypoallergenic",  and "water resistant".  I get that you have to put that on your packaging in order to sell it to the medical community and regular consumers alike.  Otherwise, your only customers would be hockey players who need it
 to wrap around their sticks to create an awesome grip.  Thanks to its rough texture and the fact that it leaves no residue when removed it is ideal for these athletes...Go Oilers!

But, as one who has spent the last two weeks using and removing your surgical tape, let me just say this....YOU LIE!  It is NOT gentle.  I have tried every kind of tape that I was able to steal (and not feel too guilty) from the many, many doctor's offices I have been to lately.  None of them are in the least bit worthy of a promotion that says "gentle".  

Seriously, you should see my abdominal skin.  It is not pretty.  Now I must change my dressing twice a day because of some "issues".  I no longer even blink at the gaping hole in my abdomen that is being cared for by the wound clinic.  Oh no.  That is the least of my medical apprehension.  But the anticipation of having to remove your "breathable" tape almost does me in.  I've tried removing it a bandaid...only the tape is 10x the length of a bandaid.  Doesn't work.  I've tried removing it slowly...Ya right.  Nothing makes it easier.  I just have to do it!

So, I am declaring to you that I am planning on inventing an "ouchless" surgical tape.  One that is "gentle", "breathable", "hypo allergenic", and "water resistant".  However, MY tape will also be designed to actually feel better the more you take it off and on.  It will never lose it's adhesiveness nor its sparkly white sheen.  I may even include a lovely scent to the tape that will make people long for wounds so they can buy my tape.

Be afraid my very afraid.  If I can figure out how
 to bring my invention to fruition, I promise to give a free roll to every doctor that I have ever stolen tape from in the past.  I know it is a big undertaking.  I will work on it in my free time and hopefully have it completed, packaged, and on the shelves before I die.  Big dreams.  Big hopes.  No more ripped skin.



emlizalmo said...

You will be RICH...and I will be first in line to give myself a wound so I can have some of your tape! :) Having been the lucky recipient of loads of pregnant lady bloodwork lately, I can empathize...a little. I can't imagine having that garbage all over my stomach. When I go to take it off, I'm tempted to rub with canola oil first, in the hopes of an easy removal. The sticky mess it leaves on my arm makes me nuts. It won't come off...for anything, and just collects lint for the next couple days. Remind me to ask for a simple bandaid next time!

Nerdster said...

I wish I could remember what you need to ask the wound nurses for is called.

It's tape but has eyelets so you lace up over the bandage and leave the tape in place.

Does that make sense?

Where's Kimmie?

2tontansy said...

Can you make it so that I don't break out in a blistering rash as well. I'm allergic to the surgical tape they have out nowadays... I'm with you on the gentle. I'd rather have my legs waxed than have to take that tape off of them... Luv ya.

Solace said...

Have you tried any of the non-paper spongy kind of tapes? I remember using one of those after my son had his second hip surgery and it didn't seem to bother him.

I hope you find one that doesn't hurt so much!

Adrianne said...

Do you need me to hook you up with some adhesive remover???? I have connections.

Adrianne said...

Montgomery straps is the contraption that they should look at using. The straps stay taped on, but you can change the bandage by just loosening the ties. You might want them to use some skin prep before putting on the new tape as well. Love Dan

Anonymous said...

good old canadian hockey tape is da answer .. Just put a little bit of vasaline around da wound and da tape will come of real easy ... by da way I invented post-itz and never recieved credit for it .. lwl

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...